Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
