You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
