omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
