I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
