I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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