i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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