if only i could text you this smell
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
