I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
