I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
