his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
