:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
its liver damage thursday
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
