just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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