just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think my moral compass just broke
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