I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
