I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
