His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
