she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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