I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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