we're chasing vodka with high fives
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
