It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
