She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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