It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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