are you so shy because you have an std?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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