Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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