Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
