Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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