I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
