i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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