if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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