Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
