he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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