Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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