I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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