I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
