Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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