I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
