i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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