After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
