girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize