so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
