why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
