in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
