Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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