No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
