Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
