It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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