you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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