but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
