Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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