I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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