dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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