I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
