PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
