i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
