Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
