Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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