Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
