were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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