Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
