whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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