she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
