You just made me feel so damn special
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
