Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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