The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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