sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
