Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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