he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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