DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
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after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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