I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
