Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
