so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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