I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
