you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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