what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
