It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
