Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize